We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
