whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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