a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
