Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
