I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
