the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
