Im at strip club and am horny
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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