Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
