you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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