So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
