Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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