She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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