Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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