and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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