im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
