So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
