Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
