True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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