Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
sex in a hospital.. check
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
