checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
