and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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