forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
