I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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