i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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