I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Girls should come with a carfax report
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
