At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
