I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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