I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We have started to decorate penises.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
A bitchslap is in order.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
