his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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