Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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