I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize