there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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