my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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