one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
