you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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