I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
