No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
