he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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