i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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