he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
