god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize