I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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