I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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