This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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