I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
