I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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