I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
