Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
