No more Irish car bombs ever.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
