Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
