I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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