Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
