what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
