he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
